I dont think you are actually connecting your controller. If its connected you will feel a vibration thru it. You MUST choose controller in the app to use the controller. First you connect to the breeze then select controller mode which is all the way to the right. Turn on the controller. If it's set for ios the second led on the controller from the left will be blinking/on. The controller comes with the first light light which is android.
Anyways if the controller shakes you are connected. It connects blutooth so if you are not connecting make sure you enable bluetooth.
If you pull in the bottom right trigger the controller function will pop up on your screen.
When you power up the controller which light is blinking? I've got 6 or 7 of them and have never had an issue.
When I updated all of them they update the same way you.mentioned. I've never seen the bar go across. It takes like 30 seconds or so and just says update successful even though it looks like nothing happened. This is REALLY REALLY ANNOYING!!! I've NEVER had one update they way they describe but the procedure works anyways.
When the controller is turned on, the second light from the left is the one blinking...so it's IOS.